A Solution for School Shootings
We must teach our children to be the friend they want to have.
Understanding the cause to begin working on the solution.
As a kid growing up in the 80’s, I remember eagerly hopping on my bike to find out what everyone in the neighborhood was up to. I would go to the first house of any friend, and if they weren’t home, I would ask anyone at the house if they knew where I could find them. Often, I would have to go to several homes before finally locating “my crew”.
Times were different then; communication required talking on a home phone or in-person. While there were many limitations, this type of interactive communication developed social skills that are often challenging for teenagers and young adults today.
These skills are learned from being in social settings where we’re forced to communicate with others. While riding my bike looking for my friends, I learned how to knock on a door and politely ask questions, use “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am”, find the courage to ask for help — most importantly, I learned that people are not bad or mean.
It’s no longer necessary to converse with several people to locate your friends, knock on a door, or be polite to someone’s parents. The only thing needed is to pick up mobile devices and text directly, without having to see anyone. While technology is convenient, it has led to a decline in social skills.
While technology is convenient, it has led to a decline in social skills.
The Covid pandemic is another factor affecting social skills. For many, including my sons, covid hit during a transitional time in life. Not only did businesses shut down, for young people going from elementary to middle, and from middle to high school, their lives socially shut down as well. They were isolated — forced to interact with a very limited number of family and friends and rely on technology more than ever before. They missed out on learning to be comfortable in social settings, and the habits formed during this time continue to affect how many people live even though they’re no longer relevant.
It has become normal for kids to resist social interaction from fear or discomfort. In seclusion, there is no fear of judgement, no expectation of how to dress, and they don’t have to speak with anyone that makes them uncomfortable. They assume most people feel the same, causing them to remain in isolation. This is important to understand why our young people are having such a hard time with developing and embracing social skills. And for many, this can lead to a sense of despair or hopelessness.
Also, when young people who have not developed appropriate social skills are thrown into uncomfortable situations where they are expected to use them, the brain literally acts as if their life is in jeopardy. This can be traumatic and do more damage than good.
To help young people begin pushing out of their comfort zone, I use simple activities that are safe yet challenging. These force them to break out of “routine and normal”, making their brain think instead of operating on autopilot.
Parents, I tell you this to encourage you, “be patient with your younger ones”. They have been faced with many obstacles we never experienced, and struggle to learn things we did with ease because we were forced to exercise those skills in everyday life. With the technology explosion as well as isolation, many kids have become socially awkward. For most this is not a choice. Challenging that mindset and continuing to push outside of comfort is the process that will eventually give way to a greater social life.
It’s truly an amazing sight to see a child who walked with their head down or suffered from paralyzing anxiety, able to walk across a room with their head up, make eye contact, and ask strangers how they are doing. How do I know this? Because this was my child.
Share the Post:
Related Posts
Breaking the Bonds of Anxiety
Today’s teens and young adults are experiencing more anxiety due to a variety of factors, including academic pressures, social media influences, societal expectations, and uncertainty about the future.
